2023: Surrender to Creation
A Ride Through the Past Year of 2023: From Heartbreak to Hilarity, Grief to Growth, and the Path to Abundance
What an absolutely insane year it's been, and I know it might sound like I say this every year, but, wow, I honestly couldn't have made up this wild journey of a year.
2023’s mantra was “Surrender to Creation”.
And that I did indeed.
Trusting the Call to Austin
Right as the year begun, I had decided to move to Austin, TX after sitting in a 10 day silent meditation retreat and received a strong message to move there even though I had never visited before. And very quickly after I arrived, I got into a relationship, and we went all in, heart open, fully committed. From the place of full surrender, I committed to fully devote myself to explore my artistry, even though I hadn't quite figured out what that entailed exactly.
The Birth of FLOWATREE
I called it FLOWATREE, the name came to me as I was straddling a tree while on a Wachuma trip. It is an art form that I created that is an improvisational spoken word poetry flow with intuitive dance and collective emotional channelingm. I listen to the truth of the trees and this is what flows out of me. I committed to the curiosity of this art form to go to an open mic every week and play with its ever evolving creation.
Dharmic Purpose and Rock Bottom
Soon after, I was invited to go to Thailand to assist 2 groups of women from China in Ma Ananda Sarita’s Goddess Essence retreats (which is an absolutely life changing experience that helps women connect to their divine feminine, if you ever get a chance to go, highly recommend!). Talk about fully aligned dharmic purpose soul mission calling!
However, on day 2 of the retreat, I found myself facing one of the hardest heartbreaks of my life.
I felt like I had hit rock bottom, on the verge of losing it, sobbing hysterically in a hotel room in Chiang Mai. I was an emotional wreck and grieving deeply. Throughout the entire process, I kept telling myself,
“I am exactly where I am meant to be, always in all ways.”
There was one story where the narrative could have been, ‘Oh my god I’m getting dumped in Thailand, life sucks”. And the deeper truth that I chose to believe was that I was so lucky to be held in such a special container with 40+ women of my ancestral lineage connecting to the divine feminine while going through immense heartache, and that this was happening for me.
How to Heal
After the retreat, I sought the help I needed, took care of myself, leaned on my healers, talked to mentors, and connected with friends, both old and new, near and far. I gave myself time and space to fully embrace the feelings of agony, pain, disgust, torture, and rejection. I vowed to create art from the heart. I chose to take myself on an adventure, to the healing waters of the ocean, to the dance floor, to the rose quartz crystal island of Koh Phangan.
From there, I chose to take myself to India - a place that I promised myself I would return to properly after a freak accident emergency plane landing in 2018 that allowed me to explore Mumbai for a total of 18 hours. I landed in Dharamshala, and spent a month studying Bhakti music & Buddhism, offering my prayers in a Tibetan monastery as the mandala broke, and going deep in a 2 week retreat focusing on Music and Meditation in the Himalayas.
Life or Death?
I then went to Bulgaria for the final retreat for my Masters program in Applied Epigenetics where I got lost in the forest overnight and used self pleasure to save myself and find my way back to safety the next morning. You can read about that journey here.
I spent all night grappling with thoughts of ‘Am I going to DIE and what I would do if I LIVED?”.
Well, I lived.
I found rest and healing in the sanctuary of Sweden, followed by a profound experience sitting with Mother Ayahuasca.
And we’re going on tour!
One thing led to another (as things tend to do in the crazy manifestation world of Holly), and I ended up going on tour with my favorite musician throughout Europe. We drove a van from Paris to Amsterdam for a festival where I participated in an epic workshop, culminating in me singing on the main stage. Hearing my voice echoed through a Funktion-One sound system felt like generational trauma ancestor healing.
NYC : FLOWATREE
Fast forward to two months in New York City. I had lived there for 3 months back in 2019 and had big plans to move there in 2020, although the universe had a different plan in the name of the pandemic, and so I ended up staying in Bali. You know how when you re-visit a familiar place after some time and you realize how much you’ve changed as a person? It’s like same place, yet completely different person. Yeah, that was the feeling. There must be a word for this feeling.
NYC has always been such an inspirational place for me, as it was where I first created The DREAM Workshop in 2019. This time around, I dreamed of the infinite possibilities for FLOWATREE, diving into the live music, poetry, theatre, jazz, and comedy scenes here. It was expansive, mind blowing, and juice dripping - I was activated to the max!
The First Dip into Comedy
Through one of the poetry open mics, I became friends with a comic who invited me to his first show as part of his comedy class at The Comedy Cellar. There I witnessed a bunch of first time comics do their set and was so inspired!
I also noticed I was experiencing some cognitive dissonance. I had a deep, almost secret, longing to try stand up comedy and yet it was coupled by an immense amount of resistance and fear.
It was my last night in NYC, and I coached myself into just doing the damn thing. I have this inner big-sister-I-never-had empowerment coach character that comes through when I really need the push and she was like ‘B*tch, you survived the Bulgarian forest, you are capable of getting on that stage and telling jokes for 5 minutes.” And so I went to my first open mic in Brooklyn and from that moment I’ve been hooked.
Now, after being in Los Angeles for the last 2 months, I've officially become a paid professional comedian, completing my first 3 gigs in LA. More on this topic soon, I promise.
Abundance Queen
And the juicy, yummy, scrumptious cherry on top - I am completing the year with a $10k+ month from multiple revenue streams!
This is one of the most potent things I teach in my coaching programs - abundance comes with alignment.
Yes, this year had its share of ups and downs, and while it might sound cliché, it is undeniably true. Moments of 'HELL YES!' and 'HOLY SH*T' can coexist.
2024’s word phrase is ABUNDANCE QUEEN. More on that soon, Ima let it simmer for now.
Letting this year be a testament to the transformative power of surrender, the resilience found in the face of heartbreak, and the boundless abundance that emerges when one aligns with their truest self.
I'll be sharing more here on The Journey Journal. My intention is to share step-by-step guides, travel stories, poetry, and musings, so make sure to subscribe.
I’ll be publishing monthly. DM/comment if there are any specific topics you would like me to share about.
The journey continues with Love,
Holly 🌸